Imaginary scenario of the day

Reader TLS imagines what an extended (and amusing) rewrite a la the SN might look like, in extremis.

Original:

The newest recording by Bubba and Ethel had my ears ringing. I thought for a second that I was stuck in hell (like the SNL sketch with Paul Simon stuck in an elevator hearing “elevator music” versions of his hits.) I heard dogs howling in the neighborhood. I had blood out of my ears dripping down my cheeks and the lack of pitch made me cry. It took away my desire to ever hear SG again. My neighbors came over and asked for the CD so they could destroy it. You wouldn’t want to give this CD to your worst enemy. The songs were dreadful, but the singing and band even worse. If people think this of when they think Southern Gospel, the industry as we know it will cease to exist.

The new edited version:

The newest recording by Bubba and Ethel was music to my ears. It took me to other worlds. Even the animals in the neighborhood showed their excitement for this project. I had tears trickling down my cheeks. I didn’t want to hear anything else. My neighbors came over and practically demanded the CD. They thought it was smashing. I wouldn’t ever want to part with it to anyone. The songs were the highpoint of this project and stood out from the rest. This project will give a new definition of what Southern Gospel is and is likely to radically change the industry as we know it.

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Comments

  1. Diana wrote:

    From my perspective, this was really funny! I imagine I know of some people that won’t be so amused!!! But I loved it!

  2. DRIP wrote:

    WOW AVERY—YOU MAY BE THE NEXT EDDIE CROOK–ARE THERE NO END TO YOUR TALENTS????THATS CALLING A SPADE A SPADE—DRIP

  3. dkd wrote:

    This is wonderful!

  4. TLS wrote:

    Thanks everyone for the kind words. It occurred to me later that I should have put on the first one, that rating it on a scale of one to five would not give the proper scale to rate it. That to do that would take negative numbers. The new review would then say that the project went off the five point scale. ;-)

  5. Rhonda Berry wrote:

    How many of these projects have we all heard? I can tell you that File 13 is too good for them.

  6. DRIP wrote:

    OOPS, SORRY I DID NOT REALIZE ARTICLE WAS NOT WRITTEN BY THE BOSS—MY APOLOGY—-DRIP

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