Lame hooks

They’re not only in sg, of course: “He’s a good ole boy, bad ole boyfriend,” drawls the sounds-like-every-other-mainstream country male vocalist on the radio at the cafe where I’m working this a.m.

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  1. Kyle wrote:

    My favorite remains Conway and Loretta’s “You’re The Reason Our Kids Are Ugly.”

  2. quartet-man wrote:

    Not lame, but Kyle’s post made me think of the Roy Clark song “Thank God and Greyhound She’s Gone.” :) :) :)

  3. cdguy wrote:

    quartet-man: I’ve always loved that song. In fact, back in the day, when my mother-in-law used to visit by Greyhound bus, I’d sing that song as she rode off into the sunset.

    It was written by Gary S Paxton (Monster Mash), who told once he’d written a jingle for Wendy’s, to promote their then-new line of baked potatoes, “This Spud’s For You”. Wendy’s didn’t care for it. Funny guy!

  4. Brian wrote:

    Oh, country music is full of them. Not only hooks, just plain lame songs.

    “She thinks my tractor’s sexy”.And…
    Whats the one about him driving his “puh puh puh puh plower down the road at 5 miles an hour.”. I’m not sure even SG can top that one. Come on…songs about farming implements? Talk about the barrell running dry.

  5. cynical one wrote:

    Maybe someone could write a gospel twist to the country song “Save A Horse”, and call it “Save A Bus”?

    I’ll keep it clean here, and not give you the rest of the line. Let your minds run wild.

  6. quartet-man wrote:

    #3 CDguy, I think the song is funny too. I don’t know if I ever heard the whole thing, but as I recall it starts out as a sweet ballad sound and kicks in on the chorus as a rousing anthem of liberation. :)

    I didn’t know Gary Paxton wrote it, but am familiar of course with Monster Mash and one of my favorites that he was written, He Was There All The Time.

  7. RK wrote:

    “Drop Kick Me Jesus Through the Goalposts of Life” has to be at or near the very worst, don’t you think?

  8. David Bruce Murray wrote:

    I’ve always been partial to “I Kissed The Bus.”

    The pertinent lyric is: “I took her to the station, and I didn’t kiss her bye, but I kissed the bus for hauling her away.”

    If it makes you chuckle rather than groan, though, can it fairly be called lame?

  9. quartet-man wrote:

    A couple other funny (not so lame) ones and both happen to be sung by George Jones: The first is the Corvette Song and the second is The Last Thing I Gave Her Was The Bird (I don’t know if the title of the song is The Bird or what.)

  10. wackythinker wrote:

    “If your hair’s too long, there’s sin in your heart.”

    And I’m SOOOOOOOOO disappointed no one has commented on cynical’s comment #5 above. Can anyone finish the line for him?

    Or are we all too chicken. Where’s Harry Peters when you need him?

  11. Leebob wrote:

    #10 And that’s why we call you “wacky-stinking-thinker”


  12. Harry Peters wrote:

    For Cynical #5 and in honor of Wackythinker, Old Harry Peters will through in his two cents. The most obvious way to complete that lyric would be “Save a bus…Ride a Tenor.” If properly executed, in addition to being economical, it would probably do wonders in pushing that range through the roof.

  13. Harry Peters wrote:

    “If your hair is on your ears, there’s sin in your heart. Get it cut today and make a new start. There’s no need for living in sin and dread with a tangled mop upon your head. If your hair is on your ears, there’s sin in your heart.”

    I think we used to sing that right before “Victory in Jesus.”

    I miss the days when we had real sin issues to contemplate in church.

    When we had special guests, there was always the “Do Right Family”

    Lyrics: Ray Stevens
    Performed by Ray Stevens
    From the album “Collector’s Edition”

    I want to tell you a story ’bout the Dooright family
    That soul singin’ gospel group from the hills of Tennessee
    They travel in a silver eagle with eight rooms and a shower
    And every Sunday afternoon you can tune ‘em in on the Dooright

    Oh, yes friends and neighbors, we are the Dooright family
    Broadcastin’ over the airwaves from Nashville, Tennessee
    Reach over and turn up your radios and we’ll bring our music to ya
    And pretty soon you’ll shout hallelujah (hallelujah)

    Well you got to do right, do right, do right, do right
    Do right, do right, do right, do right
    Yes, if you do do right ya know you can’t go wrong

    Here’s brother Thurman… Howdy neighbors!
    Sister Doris and sister Dewdrop… Praise glory
    Oh, bless your hearts girls
    Bless your heart too DaddyäãBless your heart Daddy.
    Bless your heart Virgilä
    Bless your heart Mamaä
    Bless your heart Dorisä
    Bless your heart Dewdropä
    Bless your heart Virgilä
    Bless your heart Thurmanä
    Bless your heart Mamaä
    Good night John Boyä
    Bless your heart President Eisenhower and all the boys overseasä
    All right, hold it! That’s enough heart blessin’!

    Here’s brother Virgil… Lordy, lordy, lordy, lordy, lordy, Oh lordyä
    Atta boy Virgil, and of course friends, I’m daddy Dooright

    No show would be complete, we wouldn’t dare delete
    She can’t be beat, you’re in for a treat
    She’ll sweep you off-a your feet, so hang on to your seat
    Prepare to meet and greet our dear sweet Mama

    Hallelujah, friends never give in to that sin and temptation lurkin’ in
    the shadows but constantly strive toward that burnin’ beacon on the
    distant horizon” (sobs)

    Hallelujah!… Mama, Okay now, that’s enough Punch Mama, Virgil.
    ãNow play the pianer Mamaä

    Well, one afternoon at an all night sing
    They were makin’ them rafters ring
    Had that audience clappin’ on one and three, mercy
    Wasn’t too long ‘fore they hit a groove
    And then the spirit began to move ol’ Thurman right over the edge
    And he began to preach

    Lord!, uh-huh, I just wanna say a few words uh-huh, Îbout them
    discotheques, uh-huh, peopleâs in there drinkin’, uh-huh peopleâs in
    there smokin’, uh-huh peopleâs in there dancin’, uh-huh, where they just
    git out there in a big pile, uh-huh, and jus’ girate around like a
    bunch’ o wild heathens, uh-huh, I tell you flock, uh-huh, them
    discotheques, uh-huh, ain’t nothin’ but a regular Sodom and Gomorrah,
    uh-huh… Where you goin’, Virgil, uh-huh?ä
    I’m goin’ to one o’ them discothequesä
    You come back here Virgil!
    Never give in to that sin and temptation lurkin’ in the shadows…
    Okay, Mama…
    But constantly strive towards that burnin’ beacon on the distant
    horizon (sobs)ä
    Okay that’s enough. Punch Mama, Virgil.ä
    Now play the pianer Mamaä

    Well the tears were streamin’ down every face
    There wasn’t a dry eye in the place
    One woman had her eyes rolled back and she was speaking in tongues
    Yeah, even the Doorights were moved by the sermon
    And Daddy reached out and he hugged ol’ Thurman
    And they all sang the last chorus like it’d never been sung

    Well you got to do right, do right, do right, do right
    Do right, do right, do right, do right
    And we invite you to help us sing our song
    Do right, do right, do right, do right
    Do right, do right, do right, do right
    Yes if you do do right you know you can’t go wrong
    Do right, do right, do right, do right
    Do right, do right, do right, do right, do right…..

    Go for another octave Virgil!ä
    What was that?!
    Oh Lordy..Virgil’s done gone so low, He’s exploded! Right here on
    stage, friends!ä
    Play the pianer Mama!
    Friends, ’til we meet again, keep them cards and letters a comin’
    And don’t forget the autographed songbooks for sale as you leave the
    building. It’s got pictures of the entire Dooright family standin’ in
    front of the lavender bus Right there in livin’ color!…

    Lordy Virgil, you cut that out! You know you can’t hit that note,

    Friends, don’t forget look for the Dooright bus! We’ll be comin’ through
    your town real soon… Virgil! You know you can’t sing that

  14. Leebob wrote:

    Wacky stinking thinker, why, why, WHY did you have to invite Harry Peters to do his work?

  15. WackyStinkingThinker wrote:

    Let’s just say he did my dirty work for me.

  16. Leebob wrote:

    WST - LOL!!! “Passin the buck you are” in my best Yoda voice.

  17. Harry Peters wrote:

    WackyStinkingThinker? At least he doesn’t have a two name FIRST NAME! LEEBOB, you should remember the Bible verse I learned in Sunday School. “Be ye kind, one to another.” I even did it in King James for you. Afterall, I have heard people say that the 1611 King James Version was the “original” translation.

    Anyway, WackyThinker teed it up for me and I had to take the shot. From what I’ve seen on his posts, he makes you look like a mental midget.

  18. WackyStinkingThinker wrote:

    Harry, we you saying I make Leebob look like a “mental midget”, or the other way around?

    By the by, I, for one, don’t think your posts are all that bad. I may not always agree, but you keep it lively, that’s for sure!

  19. Leebob wrote:

    Harry Peters…WackyStinkingThinker and I have been having fun at NSGF’s expense from a post about 10 threads back. Go to another recent thread and you will see that eh and I have been amicable abotu the whole thing. My apolgies for not making you aware of this. “LEEBOB” is a nickname that was given to me in the late 80’s by friends in Iowa. Wacky Thinker and I actually agree many times. And you Mr. Peters are not one to be calling somebody else a mental midget.

    I use KJV and NKJV but I am not one to hold to that as being one of the “original” versions. They are out there, they walk among us, they are the unthinkers.

  20. wackythinker wrote:

    Speaking of Bible translations (ok, I know that’s not what this thread is about, but Leebob did bring it up) and “ride a tenor”, check this out:

    Remember, boys & girls, Lark News is fake!

  21. Leebob wrote:

    Actuall Harry brought it up in #17 I was only clarifying my position on the subject for HP’s benefit.

  22. nonSGfan wrote:

    No, Wacky Thinker and Leebob only THINK they’re having fun at my expense. It’s really at Paul the Apostles expense, by the way…Im STIIILLL waiting on some scripture to debate me, nobody will give it….

    Heres ya some good lyrics…

    I KNOW THE BIBLE is right (somebody’s wrong)
    I KNOW THE BIBLE is right (somebody’s wrong)

    I told you once, I’ll tell you again
    you get get to heaven sippin on gin

    I told you once, i’ll tell you twice
    you cant get to heaven with another mans wife

    I told you once you know I don’t care
    man can’t get to heaven with that womanly hair
    somebodys wrong.

    (look it up) lol.

  23. Leebob wrote:


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