Send up of the day

A reader takes aim at my academic treatments of southern gospel (though I could never be half this clever):

If you look to the left of the tramcar you will see the Blue Hair Diesel Sniffer in it’s natural habitat. Note it’s vast collection of cassette tapes. This is due to a congenital reluctance to accept more modern day culture and of course the absence of a CD player in the creature’s domicile. An unhealthy but steady diet of meat and taters has thinned the herd somewhat in recent years. This along with a stubbornly conservative and narrow minded nature mark this species for certain extinction as the quaint melodies that it holds so dear and has been essential to it’s survival up to this point dies a slow death.

The full comment in context is here. Like all good satire, it cuts in multiple directions at once. But mostly, it’s just immensely enjoyable. Note its vast collection of cassette tapes … That’s gold, Jerry. Gold!

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  1. MM wrote:

    Shoot him, Wardell, shoot him.

  2. KDM wrote:


    Oh, man. That was AWESOME. I wish I’d written it. I bow to the master of sarcasm and caustic wit.

  3. quartet-man wrote:

    That is very funny and some of it is indeed true (but of course perhaps exaggerated.)

    I don’t make many concerts at all. I wish I could do more than I do which has actually been very few in my life. As far as SG, it might only be 12 or so.

    I do have a collection of tapes, LPs, etc. but CD is the format of choice and has been for nearly 20 years.

    The meat and taters part probably describes me more than it should.

    Now, the next part I don’t apologize for. I am stubbornly conservative and narrow minded if narrow minded means not thinking I am smarter than God or thinking everyone can do their own thing regardless of what the Bible says. I have changed on certain things I have been brought up because I used my own brain and looked myself instead of going by what I had been taught. However, not open minded enough to disagree with the Word, just enough to look for myself. If that means I am close-minded or about to become extinct, bring it!

  4. Extra Ink wrote:

    What makes it beautiful are the truths that are so eloquently placed in the paragraph. That’s great writing.

  5. rr wrote:

    Amazingly, no one has commented on the use of “it’s” where “its” is appropriate. It is great writing, but please use “it’s” only if you mean “it is”. The possessive word is “its”.

    And I’m not even an intellectual! :-)

  6. SH wrote:

    RR–please put the period within the quotation marks when closing a sentence: “The possessive word is ‘its.’”

  7. Bud wrote:

    I believe rr (#5) is correct in placing the period outside the quotations since the marks designate a specific word and not the complete sentence. That would make your correction, in fact, incorrect, and it should read ” . . . ‘its’.”

  8. rr wrote:

    Thank you, SH, for the correction.

  9. quartet-man wrote:

    By the way, Doug, I do have a vast collection of cassettes, but also LPs and CD’s. I just have a vast collection of all three formats. :-)

  10. CAH wrote:

    The sixth edition of the Modern Language Association (MLA) handbook states, “By convention, commas and periods that directly follow quotations go inside the closing quotation marks, but a paranthetical reference should intervene between the quotation and the required punctuation” (120).

    I’m sorry, Bud, but SH is correct.

  11. wackythinker wrote:

    Actually, I’m not sure it was totally appropriate to use quotation marks at all, in rr’s missive. From the training I had about 100 years in school, I think it should have looked like this:

    Amazingly, no one has commented on the use of it’s, where its is appropriate. It is great writing, but please use it’s only if you mean it is. The possessive word is its.

    Any English teachers out there who care enough to comment?

  12. Bud wrote:


    I fully agree with your rule about punctuating quotations. However, I do not think that rr’s use of “its” is actually a quotation. Rather rr is citing a word to be corrected, and, I still contend, used the correct punctuation.

  13. judi wrote:

    This English teacher agrees with SH and CAH about the placement of punctuation (commas and periods, actually) inside quotation marks. This is standard American (US) usage. It is more common in British English usage to punctuate as rr suggested, with the punctuation outside the quotation marks. So if you are Canadian or Australian or otherwise were educated in a British-heritage system, rr’s usage will seem right to you. These are really matters of style and convention, and not a moral issue, by the way. Plus, kudos to rr for picking up on “it’s” vs. “its.” rr is correct. As for the quotation marks, which #11 questioned, this is a rule that seems to be changing. #12 points out the traditional use of a quotation to single out a word being referred to as a word, instead of functioning in the sentence. But as more people use word processing, there’s a tendency to use italics instead of quotation marks to single out words being discussed instead of words conveying meaning. This evolution in language is what keeps grammarians and lexicographers in business.

  14. Jim Gerdes wrote:

    I like the SG sound and message like Triumphant, the Perrys, Inspirations, L5, Kingdom Heirs, etc do it. If that makes me like meat and taters, or stay conservative, so be it. Its better than the alternative.

  15. Wade wrote:

    some of you grammar folks really need to get a life.

    I miss LeeBob too… he is still trying to figure out who ever it was he offended. Some guy name Jim A or what ever… he did not have enough [Edit] to reveal who he really is like many of you here.

    My personal favorite coward excuse not to post WHO YOU REALLY ARE is they do not want to have to face some of the ppl they might offend with their Because they are so well connected and deep in SGM. yeah right!!

    Then there are ppl like doc joe who are just snake like cowards period. Those are my least fav. Bet he has a Christian Fish Symbol on his car and in his biz… When ever you see the fish symbol be careful. Let it be a warning to something that stinks.

    Merry Christmas!!!

  16. JW wrote:

    Maybe it’s just me but I didn’t see any of the “genius” in the satire. Just tired old cliche’ any moron can type with their eyes and mind closed.

    No, I’m not offended as I don’t fit the typical SG fan portrayal, except I happily admit being conservative. I know to many here that is the same as “narrow minded”, not to me, but if it works for you, so be it.

    It’s always amusing to hear and read others thinking just taking the opposite side is a mark of intelligence. Sometimes, but most of the time it’s just plain laziness.

  17. JW wrote:

    Wade, “Bet he has a Christian Fish Symbol on his car and in his biz… When ever you see the fish symbol be careful. Let it be a warning to something that stinks.”

    The brilliance of this observation amazes me.

    I don’t have the fish symbol on my car, so I must be a great guy, right?

    Shore do wish I wuz as smart and open minded as you guys!

  18. Bud wrote:


    Some of you life folks need to get some grammar.

  19. quartet-man wrote:

    I had posted some lengthy thoughts here before, but they are gone (if they were ever here) and I don’t intend on doing it again.

    #18, my grammar’s been gone for a few decades. Both of them actually.

  20. Wade wrote:

    JW… no smarts needed to remember the unChristian like experiences I have had with FISH PPL. I have lost less money dealing with snakes than with FISH PPL.

    I am glad I could amaze you.

    Merry Christmas to ALL!!!

  21. buttercup wrote:

    all you “grammar folks” will have a heyday reading and commenting on this article
    Could someone please clarify what a “future” Christmas “memory” might be?

  22. Joe wrote:

    “I have lost less money dealing with snakes than with FISH PPL.”

    Wade- there are 2 reasons for this.

    The first is a little thing called professional courtesy.

    The second is, that your lifestyle fairly screams that you ain’t one of the “fish ppl”.

  23. Wade wrote:

    Dr. Joe… WoW… you are correct on both points… FISH ppl often do not have any professional courtesy… which I am sure you are familiar with… and you are too correct, you judgmental chicken snake, I am not one of the FISH PPL who will SCREW you or be TOO CHICKEN to reveal who I am while quoting scripture!!

    Hope you had a fun Christmas while celebrating in what ever Sect or Cult of Christianity you PRACTICE!!!

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